


Toki Hanashita Kokoro No Mama Ni

by SatoDai (TheChichiSlaughterHouse)



Category: D.N. Angel
Genre: M/M, POV First Person, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2006-12-22
Updated: 2007-03-10
Packaged: 2018-11-22 08:27:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11376387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheChichiSlaughterHouse/pseuds/SatoDai
Summary: SatoDai. Daisuke wants to talk to Satoshi, but Satoshi doesn't know why... Rating just in case. Warnings subject to change. HIATUS.





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Toki Hanashita Kokoro No Mama Ni(Letting your heart be set free)
> 
> By SatoDai
> 
> Warnings: OOC, Shonen-ai(one-sided?), SatoshixDaisuke, Satoshi's point of view, anime spoilers, events take place after the series; i.e. no Dark or Krad…etc.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the manga or the anime version…depressingly. Ah well, there's no laws against fanfiction, right? )
> 
> A/N: Because I have read the manga and watched the anime, there will be elements of both within my works of fanfiction. It may be confusing to people who have only read the manga, and also to the people who have only seen the anime, but there are some key things I find important from both I wanted to add, and that I enjoy. I apologise for any confusion generated by this piece, and I hope you enjoy it.

 

 

I sigh as I watch him from the back of the class. All I can see of him is part of his right shoulder and his fiery-red hair, but I try not to let it bother me. I would like to see more of him, and no, I do not just mean more of his body in this room, but in general as well. I have stopped doing my own work just to stare at him, and though the teacher is talking and expects us to be taking notes, it does not matter.

I only bother to come to school because of him, because I want to be closer to him and get to know him well. I lied to him when I told him I wanted to be a normal junior high-schooler, but he probably doesn't know that. I can never be 'normal', and neither can he, though he either cannot – or refuses to – recognise it.

I grew up as an adopted child whose adoptive-parent became corrupted by my abilities and decided to put them to use for his own ends. Due to this, I have already graduated from high-school; I have even already completed university, and thusly have no need to be here except be closer to him. Even ignoring my Hikari blood, I am not – and will not ever be – normal.

He, on the other hand, was raised mainly by his mother and grandfather, being trained day-by-day since he was a child; given dangerous and difficult tasks to complete on his own, without ever being told the purpose until it was too late. He is not normal either; the lifetime of training has easily seen to that and will always be there in the back of his mind to make sure that he never can be.

We are two halves of the same whole; his purpose having been to steal various artworks of my ancestors, and my purpose having been to prevent just that. But despite that, we are two halves of that whole by our blood also; the beings that had previously dwelled within our bodies having drawn us together from the start.

Taking a break from my thoughts, I focus my attention back onto him; my reason to be here, possibly my reason to exist. I wonder briefly for a moment why he bothered saving me from destroying my body, why he had tears in his eyes and a slight redness in his cheeks when he pinned me to the floor and urged me to live. I frown. His words reduced us both to tears that day, and I am still unsure why he said them in the first place. His voice echoes in my mind…

" _Don't force yourself to be alone!"_ Why Niwa…? I've always been alone… Why should it matter now? Why should it…matter…to you?

" _If you're alive, you can meet that person, somewhere, someday! The person that will be glad that you're alive!"_ Heh. Like who? Who could possibly be glad I'm alive without wanting to use me or what I have? Certainly not that Harada Risa. All she 'liked' me for was the fact that I had my own 'Dark' inside me, that I reminded her of him because of _your_ coat that I had been wearing. My own shirt had been burnt and torn from my body, and you offered it to keep me warm.

I asked if I could have it…so I could always have a piece of you with me wherever I went, should I need it. Currently I keep it next to my bed…not that you need to know that. It's a symbol of our friendship, proof that the hellish ordeal we both went through was not a simple nightmare…and it is…also a symbol of my promise to you: _"I'll try to have fun."_

I shake my head. You'll never see how much meeting you has changed me… Outwardly, I probably seem the same, but inside… I'm like a different person…at least, to myself.

The bell rings, and for a moment, I do not notice; too wrapped up in my own thoughts for the noise to even register in my mind, and I am left sitting here, staring in the direction of his seat, oblivious to the fact that most people have already left to begin their journeys home, and he-

"Hiwatari-kun?" Jerking out of my thoughts, I turn to see him standing there; looking at me with concern, yet a smile is on his face. I feel heat rising in my cheeks, but I refuse to allow myself to go red, especially whilst he is watching me so attentively, and I try to stave off feelings of embarrassment as I begin packing my things away, no longer looking at his face.

"Yes Niwa?" Forcing a bit of irritation into my voice, I place all my books into my bag, gritting my teeth as I see a bunch of envelopes in my desk. Love letters. I barely ever notice them on a regular day, despite the fact that they are a great annoyance to me; I get so many that I could probably make them into an art piece that was bigger than this room, but I don't even want them. Unluckily, one falls onto the floor near his feet as he begins to speak.

"I was wondering if-" He pauses, and bends to pick it up, giving me enough time to stuff the rest into my bag so he won't see them. Blinking curious eyes as he straightens, Niwa looks at the pink envelope with – possibly a trick of my mind – a downcast expression on his face, though it disappears quickly. His smile is back as he offers it back to me, his movements indicating unease. "You dropped this." I swiftly take it from the shorter boy's hand, my action seeming so angry it is like I have snatched it, stuffing it into my bag with the rest of the useless things.

"What do you _want_ , Niwa?!" I grind out, not having to fake my feelings anymore as I grab my bag and immediately make for the door. He must know what it was, and he'll probably comment on it later and aggravate me further, and I am not in the mood for it. I hear him follow me and a hand grips my bicep, stopping me. My eyes narrow as I look around at him, noting in the back of my mind that the classroom is empty.

"I was wondering if you wanted to walk home with me." He says, with such an innocent manner that I find myself imagining a blush over his cheeks, though I know it is simply a trick of my mind. I cross my arms, raising an eyebrow at the request.

"You live on the opposite side of town." I reply observably, noticing him shift from one foot to the other. "Why would you want to walk home with me? I'm sure your mother has a strict time limit to be back by." I try not to scoff as I talk of his mother; knowing she dislikes me makes it hard for me not to reciprocate the feeling. Sighing, I see him rub his arm in what could be nervousness – though maybe I am reading biasedly into his actions to see what I want.

"I just want to talk to you for a while…" He replies, dodging my jibe towards his mother completely, which amuses me. He does everything that she tells him to, and she either doesn't know that, or takes vicious advantage of the fact, and due to how many notices were sent out when Dark and Krad weren't part of the Black Wings, I am more inclined to suspect the latter. Though he has tried to dodge my question, I will not let it go, and press again.

"What about your mother?" When his fist clenches, I think I have hit a nerve. Looking at his face, I see an anger in the red orbs staring straight back at me, wondering for a moment who the anger is really directed at; me or his mother? The anger seems to dull, and I am still watching as he forces a smile.

"I guess you're right, Hiwatari-kun." For a moment, there is silence; I am unsure how to reply to this statement, and am also curious in what he is to say next. "I'll see you tomorrow then, bye." Pushing past me, he runs off, causing a feeling of guilt to rise in my chest. He only wanted to talk to me – and without even knowing why – I was cruel to him. I can feel my expression soften, and shake my head. I'd better be getting home too; I'm hungry, and unlike him, I have to cook my own dinner. Sighing, I walk down the school corridor, letting myself fall deep into thought again.

What _did_ he want to talk to me about? There hasn't really been much to say to him since he saved my life…and kissed that girl… I grit my teeth as I pick up my pace, practically running in the direction of my house, trying to block out that part of my memories. But like Krad, it stays and continues to taunt me. I feel tears building – from anger or sadness, I do not know – and roughly push my glasses up to swipe at my cheeks, glad that where I live is not too far now; it being in plain view. I dash up the stairs and open the door as quickly as I can, slamming it shut behind me lest anyone see me crying.

Sinking to my knees, I want to scream, want to be able to transform for the first time, though now it is too late. I want to hurt; I want to hurt others, just to get out this _frustration_ inside me! I give in and throw my head back, yelling as loud as I can, enough to make my throat hurt, and although I do not say words, I feel better, punching the floor in front of me with a fist.

I am unaware of how long the process takes, though after I am done, I can feel my throat is sore, and the bottom of my hand is stinging. I am relieved to find the tears have stopped, and get to my feet in silence, the coldness of my apartment finally getting to my overheated, sweaty skin and making me shiver. Running a hand through my hair, I sigh and walk towards my bath – I do not have a 'bathroom' in my house as I am the only one who lives here, so it doesn't matter – sitting on the edge and running the hot water. Usually I do not bathe until after I have eaten dinner, but I do not wish to get a cold from the freezing temperature here; I would rather be hungry for longer.

Finally, my bath is ready, and as I strip off my clothes and climb in, I frown, resting my head against the edge of the tub and dipping my hands into the hot water. I know now that there's only one thing going to be on my mind for a long time…

What did Niwa want to talk to me about?


	2. Chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Toki Hanashita Kokoro No Mama Ni(Letting your heart be set free)
> 
> By SatoDai
> 
> Warnings: OOC, Shonen-ai(one-sided?), SatoshixDaisuke, Satoshi's point of view, anime spoilers, events take place after the series; i.e. no Dark or Krad…etc.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own the manga or the anime version…depressingly. Ah well, there's no laws against fanfiction, right?
> 
> A/N: Because I have read the manga and watched the anime, there will be elements of both within my works of fanfiction. It may be confusing to people who have only read the manga, and also to the people who have only seen the anime, but there are some key things I find important from both I wanted to add, and that I enjoy. I apologise for any confusion generated by this piece, and I hope you enjoy it.

 

 

I wake in my large bed, blinking as I sit up and stare into the distance, my low blood pressure level causing me to be pretty much useless for half an hour every morning, or whenever I have slept. I can barely blink this early in my day, let alone move, so I am left with just my thoughts, though I used to be left with Krad's false praises in my ear. Not that I am complaining as such, but I just feel so…empty, lonely, and I almost feel like I miss-

No. I cannot think like that at all. I don't miss Krad; I don't. The emptiness of my 'home' is tricking me, that's all. His taunts, his touches and the way he was so possessive over me…I hated it. Correction; I still hate it. I was not his toy, but he treated me as such, like I was supposed to do everything he said, everything he wanted. Well he was wrong. I am a Hikari by blood, my ancestors created him and I could defeat him -- and did, I remind myself. I hate him.

I am suddenly reminded of Niwa and my eyes open fully; pulling me out of my daze as I recall what happened yesterday. He wanted to walk home with me to talk, and I…pushed him away. Cursing, I slip out of bed and get dressed, running a comb through my hair and grabbing my disguise as I go down my stairs to find my discarded schoolbag. If you don't know, my glasses are merely a trick; I do not need them at all, yet I wear them to fit with my 'father', and be able to mask my feelings more easily from myself and others.

Pulling my schoolbag up from the floor and over the back of my shoulder, I grab my keys from the side and prepare to leave for school. I skip breakfast, as usual, and head towards the breadbin, hoping to find some that I can eat at lunch, frowning to find it empty. No matter; I just won't eat today. I move towards my door again, and – as a moment of weakness – grab my wallet on the way out just in case I get too hungry and need to purchase food to keep myself going.

As I lock the door behind myself, I pause. I don't really feel like going to school today – God knows I don't _need_ to go in anyway; I finished University last year – but I feel compelled to do so in spite of that. Why?

Is it because someone would have to bring my homework to me and I can't bear it if some ditz with a love letter turns up, or is it something other than that? Like knowing what Niwa wanted to talk to me about…?

In any case, I begin my solitary walk to school, making sure to keep my head up and appear to be more adult than I am supposed to be – though I am expected to be as mature as someone three times my age – as that demeanour intimidates some pupils and gives me more peace, and manage to get to class without any of those stupid girls with their stupid-

"Hi-Hiwatari-sama!" Here we go again. I stop as two girls run up to me – one dragging the other over – shaking my head as the shorter of the pair is blushing a deep crimson, an all-too-familiar envelope clutched in her fists, the taller girl moving to block my path. "Sorry Hiwatari-sama, but my friend-" She begins, but I cut her off.

"I don't have time for this. Please get out of my way." I say, the words sounding like a request, but my tone making it sound like the demand that it is. An angry expression comes over the taller girl's face as she tosses her long hair over her shoulder and stands her ground.

"You're so cruel, Hiwatari!" I am glad that she has dropped the suffix from my last name; the honorific being something that I am unused and opposed to, seeing as Krad used it to tease me. I merely blink in silence, then close my eyes and turn my head disdainfully, walking around her in a rude manner, continuing on my regular path. I can hear what sounds like someone crying as I go towards the school's entrance, but I don't care that I have reduced another of them to tears; I think it would be evident to them now that I am not interested at all in them, or their feelings of 'love' towards me. Sighing, I begin to trudge alone down the long corridor that leads to my classroom, pausing in my tracks as I notice the computer room's door open. Looking inside, I find Niwa sitting in there with the elder Harada sister, not staying a moment longer to look in on them.

I realise I am going faster to my seat in our classroom and try to slow down; after all, it is the next room down the hall and I shall arrive all too soon enough. Sitting down, I place my bag onto the floor at my feet and sigh as I see even more letters stacked into the spare slot of my desk, putting my chin in my hands as I wonder how to dispose of this lot today. It always seems like a never-ending task; as soon as one lot are gone, another appears as if by magic – no Hikari artwork would be so harmless, however – and I wonder what would happen if I just left the slot full.

An uncomfortable feeling tells me that it would just increase the amount of 'encounters' with the girls themselves – something I definitely wish to avoid.

Tearing my gaze away, I look up just in time to see Niwa and that girl enter, her hand entwined with his in a way I can only dream of doing. I briefly wonder where that thought came from, then bite my lip as his eyes meet my own, and his smile widens as he lets go of her to come running over to me, the girl not seeming to mind as she goes to a different corner of the room to talk to some other girls. Tearing my gaze away, I look up just in time to see Niwa and that girl enter, her hand entwined with his in a way I can only dream of doing. I bite my lip as his eyes meet my own, and his smile widens as he lets go of her to come running over to me, the girl not seeming to mind as she goes to a different corner of the room to talk to some other girls. As he reaches my desk, our teacher enters, telling everyone to get to their seats before he even has a chance to speak to me, a look of disappointment on his face. I merely nod at him; giving some acknowledgement of his presence, which seems to cheer him up – though I don't really believe that. He goes to his seat at the front of the room and class starts for the day, though, like usual, I do not pay attention to the teacher, getting out my notebook and writing down the times and events of the students in the room.

It is a habit I developed solely to aid me in the capture of Dark, but even now that he is gone, I don't stop. Old habits die hard, and though this is fairly new, I find myself enjoying it. It is of no surprise to me that the majority of my recordings are about Niwa in some way; he is the reason I started this in the first place after all…well, Dark is, but you get the idea.

In any case, the morning passes by so slowly that I have become bored of my recordings: Niwa has not done anything or been involved in anything to note down, unlike usual, causing me to frown as I look over at him, curious. I stare at the back of his head, the red hair catching the sunlight and temptingly… The sound of the bell jerks me out of my reverie and I blink before getting out of my seat like the rest of the class to go to break, my black notebook clutched in my fist. I turn to get my pen, but when I have turned back, the classroom is empty; even the teacher having left quickly. I sigh and look at the board, easily uninterested in the simple mathematic equations on it, and I could do them effortlessly when I was eight, let alone now when I can figure them out in my head in mere seconds.

It's almost funny to see that one of the answers is wrong – one done by the teacher, nonetheless – and I pick up the chalk to correct it as Niwa enters the room, his eyes on me. I am unsure whether I should show off and finish the sum in front of him, or whether to put the chalk back down, knowing that I could either isolate or impress him with my skills. I think for a second before deciding to correct the equation, rubbing the wrong answer off and adding in the right one. He is silent until I put the chalk back with a 'click', then he smiles and comes over.

"Wow." Nodding once, I walk away from the board, but his voice stops me. "You're so intelligent Hiwatari-kun." Not knowing how to respond to the praise, I stay silent, wanting to hear him speak more. "I wonder…why you still come to school sometimes…it's not like you need to stay to observe Dark…" He comments, his eyes still on the black tool before him. I shrug quietly.

"…I have nothing else to do." I reply, saying the first thing that comes to mind that doesn't involve him. Turning to me, he smiles.

"I guess not." The silence between us feels awkward, despite his friendliness, and I feel oddly unwelcome to stay, even though I was the one who was in here first.

"Excuse me." I go to leave, his eyes widening as I turn away from him and head to the door, but his body moves and grasps my wrist again. "Niwa?" The grip lessens and then it is completely gone, making me wonder. "What is it Niwa?" Curious, I look back at him, seeing a nervous smile.

"It's nothing Hiwatari-kun." I am disappointed as I shrug again, then look away.

"Then if you'll excuse me…" I manage to leave the room and head to the boy's bathroom, checking a clock on the wall to see that break is almost over. Thankful, I notice that the room is empty and begin washing my hands, wondering why Niwa wasn't with the Harada sisters, or at least, with one of them. He is always seen fawning around them – always has been – so why did he take his time to come see me in the classroom instead of spending as much time with them as possible? It doesn't make sense…

Of course, neither does the fact that he wanted to walk home with me, or even talk to me at all.

I shake my head. Niwa is weird…but perhaps it is that that makes me want to spend time with him more than anyone else. Heat builds in my face as I notice that the sink has been filled too much, and the water has overflown onto the floor. I try not to panic as embarrassment sets in, stepping back and turning the tap off, hoping no one has seen me in a daze like that. Pulling up my sleeve, I plunge my hand into the icy water; feeling guilty for making the mess and grab onto the plug at the bottom of the basin, yanking it up as quickly as possible. Only once my arm is out of the water do I notice how cold it really was; my hand feeling frozen and stiff compared to the other.

Rubbing my hands together to try and get some feeling back, I watch the liquid draining away, feeling somewhat hypnotised by the swirling motions of it until it finally trickles down the drain and out of my sight, making me blink. How long have I been in here anyway…?

As if on cue, Niwa and Saehara enter, catching me with wide eyes and a guilty look, the floor soaking wet at my feet. The taller of the pair fixes me with an odd look as Niwa's face begins to try it's very best to catch up with the colour of his hair, and I know something is up, unable to stop the heat rising in my cheeks. Glancing down, I see my trouser legs are wet right through, putting a hand on the side of my face in shame at being seen like this.

"Hiwatari! You're late so the teacher sent us to get you!" Saehara declares, his finger pointing straight at me as if I have been caught doing something wrong, causing me to want to frown. Is he always like this? Niwa hasn't said anything yet, and he doesn't look like he is going to. I shake my hands to get the water off, then try to think of an excuse for the mess, and why I am late, though I don't need to justify myself to them at all. I'm guessing the situation looks bad, as Niwa is still red in the face as he stares at me, and the other boy is seemingly disturbed by the silence.

"Are you okay, Hiwatari-kun?" Ah, here he goes again, looking out for someone else… I'm unsure how to answer, so I just nod, moving my hands into my pockets, pretending the damp doesn't bother me at all. The silence drags on for a few more moments as I notice Saehara looking between Niwa and I with a puzzled expression and I begin to move toward the exit, walking past them both as if I don't care about them, Niwa's voice calling after me. "Hiwatari-kun?" I pause for a moment; my face's heat getting on my nerves and embarrassing me – but I'll endure it a little longer for him.

"Yes Niwa?" I reply, keeping my voice low to block any emotions I am feeling from creeping into it.

"Where are you going?" He asks, sounding confused, and a little putout, but it isn't my fault. Feigning innocence, I look over my shoulders at them both.

"To class. You came to get me, right?" I smirk at their expressions and leave the bathroom, deciding that the mess will be sorted out later, and feel my face start to calm again as I make my way to the classroom, thinking of an excuse to go home. As I open the door, I see our teacher staring at the corrections I had made, looking lost as she mutters to herself.

"I'm sure I wrote the wrong answer for that one…" After a few seconds, she notices me in the doorway, turning her attention onto me. "Hiwatari-kun, why are you so late to class?" Instead of going to sit down like she would expect, I cross my arms lightly over my stomach.

"I feel sick." I say simply, moving a hand to brush my fringe out of my eyes a little, hearing a few mentions of 'He's so hot!' from my classmates, wanting to roll my eyes at them but holding it in. Sighing, I look down at the floor, pretending my stomach is going odd, and the teacher moves over, putting an arm around my shoulders.

"Oh Hiwatari-kun, why didn't you say earlier?" Concern is clear in her voice as she tries to look at my face, though I move it away.

"Sorry…I thought I would be fine…" I lie, and I feel her grip on my shoulders tighten, knowing I have tricked her; and though that is a harsh phrase to use, it is apt.

"I'll take you to the nurse…" She mumbles, straightening and talking to the rest of the class. "Talk amongst yourselves; I'll be back soon." Her arm is back around my shoulders as she leads me out of the room, and I know that it were anyone else, she would let them go on their own. It is probably due to the fact that I live alone and she worries about me that causes this desire not to let me go alone, and though it is somewhat nice, I dislike it. I could easily go on my own.

"About that equation…" I begin, then try to act shy. "I corrected it…I didn't know it was going to be used…sorry…" I feel her tense then relax, looking at me with a smile.

"Don't worry about it Hiwatari-kun; at least I know one person understands." I don't have the heart to remind her that I was taught it ages ago and merely nod, looking down. "Does it feel worse when you're walking?" Blinking, I try to think of what she is asking about when it hits me, and nod again, looking at the floor. "The nurse will be able to help." She says, and I feel it is more to herself than me, and stay silent until we are outside the room. Almost noisily, I break from her grip and turn to her.

"I'll be fine now…you can go back to the others…" For a second, she blinks, seemingly having forgotten that she had abandoned her entire class just to bring me here. It is evident from the way her cheeks stain pink that my assessment is correct, and – bustling a goodbye – she hurries back, my eyes watching her every move until she is out of sight.

I let out a breath I didn't know I had held, and open the door to the nurse's room, finding it – as usual – devoid of the nurse herself. Rolling my eyes, I move to the desk where the sickness register is kept, signing myself out with a stomach bug, frowning as I realise that my bag is still in the classroom. For a moment, I consider going back for it, then decide that it doesn't matter as I do not need it to do any research tonight – not that there has been much research to do since Dark and Krad were sealed – and so, opt to leave it wherever it is.

I have better things to do than allow my life to be dictated by my useless schoolbag.

With a small smile, I think of what Niwa would do in this situation, imagining him tripping over his feet; in a hurry, even if he is sick, just to get to the classroom, then scramble off to where his parents would be waiting… My smile fades. Am I jealous of him, or am I happy for him?

It is unlikely that the answer is the former; I dislike his mother, but not much can I say about his other family members. I do not know, however, if I am pleased for him. Maybe I am jealous; not of who is family are, but perhaps of the fact that he has someone who cares for him and I do not.

Shaking my head once more, I turn to leave for my home, sighing. I am surprised to find I have left my wallet in my bag and curse under my breath. I don't think I have any food at home… It's too late to go back now! I'll just have to find something later.

As I walk down the hall and out of the gate, I find it odd that nobody has stopped me, but find myself thankful for it anyway. I am not in the mood for questions from idiots and nosy people right now. Bored, I observe a couple walking their dog for a few moments, and briefly consider the idea myself. Perhaps I should get a pet of my own, though I would probably be too busy to look after it properly. There is a park to my left, and I briefly feel the urge to go and sit down there, but it is too radiant for me right now, and I am starting to feel a bit sick. Shrugging it off, I move on and reach my front door after a while, pulling the key from my pocket, glad it is not in my bag also.

Pushing my way inside, I lock the door behind myself and head for my bed; I feel very tired all of a sudden.


End file.
